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The Anger

I am not gonna lie. This past week has been very difficult. Not just because of being in the hospital. But because I am now realizing that I can’t do everything on my own. I have broken down so many times even after the littlest things like having to call the nurse to help me go to the bathroom. I have learned to move onto the bedside toilet on my own but sometimes it is so painful I start crying. Then I just end up letting it all out. You’re so stuck there with me and tell me that it is OK. I just get so angry at everything and I want to hate the person who did this but I know that I need to focus on the positive things like being alive. Not having any internal injuries. I also try to think about the fact that I didn’t lose my memory or have a concussion. Although I have made big improvements right when it starts to hurt I just break down because of the frustration of the pain in my life that I can’t even move on my own. The one thing keeping me going is seeing my daughter on the other end of the phone when we FaceTime and she is smiling. She is telling me that she is OK. She is walking with a cane and that broken leg Will not defeat her. She encourages me to keep going. We often talk about how it will go by fast and that we will see each other again soon. I am counting the days until my last surgery So that I can go home. But, I am still trying to figure out what God‘s message is why this happened. Through my tears I close my eyes take a deep breath and pray. I pray to him to help me get through this without anger or resentment. I am trying to be grateful but as I leave here trying to do the little things it hurts and that is when I get mad. I know that it will be a long process but At least we are both here. I am so thankful to my father and mother-in-law for taking such good care of my daughter. It absolutely helps knowing that she is alive and in good hands. Seeing her being able to walk is anunexplainable feeling. I know that I will have more tears and more pain but I can Do this.

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©2018-19 A Wild Ride Called Life

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