I’m not going to lie. It’s been a rough month. I am behind on blogging and my podcast. I’ve been sleeping in a whole lot later than usual. I am mentally exhausted. I have been trying to spend every waking moment with my daughter before she heads off to college. But I am also neglecting other things. I am trying to be excited for her and for the new place I need to call home but I just can’t do it. Just yesterday while we were talking about her dorm room over lunch I started bawling. I know that I am not the only one sending their first born off to college. I know that it will be ok. The one thing no one knows about is that she is like my best friend. I’ve had a rough time parenting and Soldiering it while I was in the Army. She was always there to help when I needed her. She grew up faster than most kids. As she got older she has helped me emotionally. We talked about mostly anything. She was my rock. Sometimes it was just us three which also included her brother when their dad was away for work. Our team of 3 always worked a little harder to make things work. So to see her go is breaking my heart a little more as each day passes.
I am proud of her. I think I tried the best I could I raising her. Although she has been butting heads with her dad lately I know that deep inside it’s killing him too. This, I can honestly say, is just as or close to being just as hard as when I deployed both times from 8 months to a year.
I am a softy. I know I need to let her go. I know she will be fine. I’ve heard it all and I appreciate it. For now, I just need prayers because it is hitting me hard and I am afraid I will fall into the dark hole that has consumed me before.
Pray for her safety as she goes out into the world. Pray for her when she falls and has to learn how to get back up again. Pray for her brother as I can already see the signs of him not knowing what he is going to do without his side kick and partner in crime. Pray that they continue to keep that love hate relationship that will somehow bring them closer.
Please pray a little each day as this family has already been through the toughest of times living this military life.
We leave in 4 days and I am trying to hold it together.
Does it get easier?