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I lost it

Today I lost it.

I was going through the pile of bills that I neglected because I just knew what they were going to be.

I pay all my “normal “ bills online so anything that comes in the mail are the inevitable medical bills from the accident.

The car accident that happened 8 months ago…the one thing I try not to think about keeps being shoved into my face in the form of a paper, a cane and the constant pain both emotionally and physically.

I lost it.

The bill that I opened up was for the rental car that I was driving when we got hit. The one that we were in when we didn’t know what was coming. The one that we were in when we flipped over 5 freaking times. The one that was totaled and we still don’t know how we came out of it.

I am responsible for paying the rest of what was not taken care of by the man who didn’t have insurance. The man who hit US!

Why am I still paying for things that he is responsible for?

Don’t tell me this too shall pass because I don’t want to hear it right now. I have daily reminders on my body. The scars on my arm, hip, thigh and ankle. Scars that are visible enough to where people look, gasp and ask questions.

I have a cane that I need to use to walk. I have an ankle that swells up after standing for more than 5 minutes. I think we have had enough.

So thank you Sir for the ever lasting reminder of what should have never had happened.

I am now paying for it financially, physically and emotionally.

What I won’t do though is give up. Even through all the anger, tears and physical pain, I am still strong enough to share my story.

This is just another chapter in my book. I will have my days but because of the people that God has put into my life, I am still standing. I will not let this overcome me. I need to continue to fight this. I will continue to fight this.

“Hang in there” is what I hear. Why, I will to much better than that.

Thanks be to God for another day even if it’s to cry uncontrollably, because I know that I will end up stronger once I am done.

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